The End of an Era

It being my birthday today I needed to go and get my license renewed, even though I've not driven since my son was born, which is almost 4 years ago now.  So yesterday my dad took me to the DMV out in Draper and we tried to get it renewed.  I knew that it might be possible that they might not renew it, and that's exactly what they did as soon as they saw my doctor's recommendation- I'm a category 8 which means I'm under constant doctor care because I haven't gone the state required 90 days without a seizure.  I can't even go a week, heck a day without one these days!  So the guy I was talking to was nice though but said the dreaded words, "You can always apply for a state ID, you can use it in the airport when you fly, the only thing you can't do is drive with it." That's what I had to do-- bury my hurt feelings and go apply for a state ID.  
I've always felt independent, like I could take care of myself- not anymore- I feel like I burden now more then ever.  When I had a drivers license in my wallet I felt there was hope, that someday I would get better, but I am beginning to realize just how different my life is and what if my life only gets worse?  
At the last Dr. appointment my doctor asked how many seizures I've had in three months, in just a month I can have 100 seizures no joke.  So to even count in three months time is ridiculous- so she suggested making preparations for brain surgery!  But the side effects and time in the hospital and what if it doesn't work and what if I wake up and don't know who my family is?  That scares me, but so does living like this too because I am a burden.
This is the first Birthday where I don't feel like I happy Mama!